Children need to know that we delight in them and enjoy spending time with them to feel good about themselves and thrive. A close bond with our child helps us to see things from their point of view and makes them much more likely to cooperate with us.
There are no 'parenting skills' that can take the place of a strong parent-child bond, it's an essential part of parenting and nothing will 'work' without it. When things feel hard with your kids, if they are misbehaving, the first thing to do is always to add more moments of connection to strengthen your relationship with them.
There are so many daily pressures on parents to get everything done and be productive and as a result, days can go by in a blur. It is so important for ourselves and for our kids to find ways of slowing down, being present and building in connection time to your daily routine. This is how we make the most of these precious years before they pass us by all too quickly. Doing this needn't take a lot of time, and it can save time in the long run because kids are much more likely to listen to us and cooperate when they feel connected to us.
Making sure your relationship with your child stays strong is protective too; for instance there are many studies revealing that teenagers who have a close relationship with their parents are less likely to be affected by peer pressure and remain more open to their parents guidance.
It's never too late to improve your relationship with your child and small acts of love can go a long way. Try adding connection into your daily routines with your child and watch how your days become easier and more joyful.
Here are some ideas:
Put a note on their pillow, in their backpack or in their lunchbox
Tell them a story from when they were a baby
Look at family photos together
Give them a foot rub or back rub while you listen to them tell you about their day
listen to them without giving advice
Tell them you missed them while they were at school (or asleep)
Spend 10 minutes 1:1 playing with them everyday doing something they want to do and focus all your attention on them (no screens).
Spend 5 minutes snuggling with them every morning and evening - or whenever!
Tell them a joke
Read them a story
look at them lovingly in the eyes
Watch one of their shows with them
roughhouse with them to get them laughing - this energises us too!
Bake with them
Go to brunch together at the weekend
Give a hug
Tell them what you appreciate about them
Tell them you are so happy to see them when they return from school/daycare/college
Ruffle their hair
Smile
Be silly and playful whenever you can
Empathise with them, you don't have to agree.
Have a staring contest or thumb war (let them win)
Tell them something from when you were a child
share a happy memory about your child with them
Make a routine task into a game
Tell them that you will never love anyone more than you love them.
